I am in the beginning stages of looking for funding, script writers and contacts with the intent of having a movie made of my life story
More to come……..
What are you made of?
Common sense should tell you, HOUSTON CLAN, that you teach your children how you want to be treated. I think you have. When you are older, vulnerable and can’t fight for yourself watch your back. Mrs. L. Houston watch you back also. When Dr. James children are tired of waiting for you to die, like with my mother, and they want their inheritance, guess what they will do. They will do exactly what you did to your father and my mother.
You didn’t earn my respect and you lost your father’s and my mother’s respect also. We will see about your children and how well they will respect you. If your example is any guess, I would guess you are in for a bumpy ride in your last years of your life.
“Attitude Is Everything
We live in a culture that is blind to betrayal and intolerant of emotional pain. In New Age crowds here on the West Coast, where your attitude is considered the sole determinant of the impact an event has on you, it gets even worse.In these New Thought circles, no matter what happens to you, it is assumed that you have created your own reality. Not only have you chosen the event, no matter how horrible, for your personal growth. You also chose how you interpret what happened—as if there are no interpersonal facts, only interpretations.
The upshot of this perspective is that your suffering would vanish if only you adopted a more evolved perspective and stopped feeling aggrieved. I was often kindly reminded (and believed it myself), “there are no victims.” How can you be a victim when you are responsible for your circumstances?
When you most need validation and support to get through the worst pain of your life, to be confronted with the well-meaning, but quasi-religious fervor of these insidious half-truths can be deeply demoralizing. This kind of advice feeds guilt and shame, inhibits grieving, encourages grandiosity and can drive you to be alone to shield your vulnerability.”
― Sandra Lee Dennis
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1) Gossip Be more mindful. I do not consider myself a seeker or speaker of gossip as a characteristic of mine. But then again I think we all find ways of justifying our talk about others. My New Years Resolution is to be more mindful and alert to what comes out of my mouth and who may be paying the price for my words.- That doesn’t include politicians or cases of SELF-DEFENSE ie HOUSTON versus HOUSTON.
2) Take one day at a time – Pace myself, deal with what is in front of me now, don’t miss the moment it’s less overwhelming and more manageable.
3) Do one good deed a day, and not tell anyone about it
I actually have been doing this for quite a long time but I want to do more. And I don’t have a habit of telling people either. But there is always room for improvement.
Don’t be deceived by people’s titles (such as Doctor, Cop, CEO etc) how much money they have, where they live, what kind of car they drive, what they are wearing and who they pretend to be. Many of us get good at presenting something we are not. Sometimes people play pretend because they are narcissists and don’t care. Sometimes it’s because they are ruthless, greedy and mean. Often times we pretend as a survival technique. That is the case with me. I have a learning disability, only have grade 8 education, difficulty writing as a result and have always been scared of being found out, I have CPTSD and am really a very traumatized person, but I have used what I have. I can put on a smile, dress myself up, put some make-up on, and many people see and experience me as being a person in control and together. I succeeded in the days when I put on my mask, because that is what I wanted you to see. We only see in a person what we want to see, and what they want us to see. There is a whole bunch of stuff you don’t see, because they don’t want you to and we don’t want to see it either. We don’t want to know that maybe our doctor, our cops, CEO’s or President elect is a crook, dishonest, dangerous and not a nice person because we have our fantasies. It makes us scared and insecure to know that maybe we are putting our trust in the wrong people. We have the lies we tell ourselves because it makes us feel better. It makes us uneasy to know that these people are just like everyone else. Some are good and some are bad.
THE VICTIM OF NARCISSISM
I show this picture of me from time to time. I actually don’t have many childhood pictures. Nevertheless this is a good one for me to remember. To remember that day after being assaulted by my father. I wet my pants and was crying, but my father insisted on taking my picture and yelled at me to “smile”. I then went back to boarding school after he dropped me off from vacation. I walked into school with wet stinky pants. Little did I know then that it wouldn’t be very long before I was living on the other side of the world. To then leave the family house to live on the streets of Toronto. I was 13 years old. I was alone, scared and very very vulnerable. I grew up very fast. When you are young and strong, when you have to, when people want you because now you are a beautiful child/woman. When you are smart beyond your years (but terrible in school, now know I was dyslexic) When you have your fathers charm and fast wit you get by. But as the years role by and you and dying inside life starts to take on a different perspective. You know something is wrong with you. You know somehow that you are not supposed to feel this bad inside, like a rotting carcass of a woman. But when you try to seek out help, what I realize now, was a medical system that was clueless and ended up making me worse. It’s like being operating on the wrong foot, So it gets further reinforced in your brain that you are defective, crazy and irredeemable. I kinda new I wasn’t but with the help of those who were supposed to love me I got banished into a life of confusion and further despair.
LEARNING TO MOVE ON THE BEST YOU CAN
In some ways I turned into my father. attractive, charming, well-spoken with very little formal education but smart (and street smart) but there was a difference. I could not be like him – I had empathy, compassion and sensitivity – god damn these feelings they just messed me up more. Feeling was not what I wanted……more and more feelings. Why did I have to feel. Feeling in this world is an impediment.
So what do you do. You learn to have your feelings, but you have to learn to control them. I know from experience you can’t control them if you do not understand them in the first place. Only on understanding can you control them if you will, but more importantly live with them. It helps to accept they will not go away. These bad feelings live inside you and have for a long time. Give your bad feelings a healthy outlet – creativity of some sort is a good idea. I have this page and my blog. Accept the fact that this pain is part of you and has molded you for good or bad (you must take some responsibility for that) Sometimes having this pain inside me helps me and makes me a better person. I am a very grateful person because of what I had to go through. I have learnt forgiveness. If you don’t you will suffer even
The Vampire’s Bite: Victims of Narcissists Speak Out
Maturity is when you stop trying to change people, and instead focus on changing yourself.
Maturity is when you accept people for who they are.
Maturity is when you understand that everyone is right in their own perspective.
Maturity is when you learn to “let go”.
Maturity is when you are able to drop “expectations” from a relationship and give for the sake of giving.
Maturity is when you understand that whatever you do, you do for your own peace.
Maturity is when you stop proving to the world how intelligent you are.
Maturity is when you focus on positives in people.
Maturity is when you do not seek approval from others.
Maturity is when you stop comparing yourself with others.
Maturity is when you are at peace with yourself.
Maturity is when you can differentiate between “need” and “want, and you can you can let go of your wants.
Maturity is when you stop attaching “happiness” to material things.
Written by: Arti Gupta,
“Never, never be afraid to do what’s right. especially if the well-being of another, or animal, is at stake. Societies punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.” Martin Luther King.
I make my “life” on SPEAKING UP for those who can’t speak for themselves. I channel my emotions into holding someone’s hand who is not able mentally or emotionally to protect themselves. It takes a huge toll on me. But, I am unable to look the other way. On the rare occasion when I have walked away I have been racked with shame. Just one more emotion for me to deal with.
I don’t like showing my feelings to people who don’t value them. I am a very emotional person. Nothing I write can compare to what is in my mind. I notice when I am wrong and will admit it and do everything I can to put it right. I have biases but am conscious of the destructiveness and work diligently to eradicate them. I have huge gratitude for a kind word, a penny in my pocket, food on my table, and all the opportunities and people who have uplifted me. I like to keep my emotions in perspective and use reason and logic to keep me in balance. I don’t ignore my emotions but often times keep them to myself. I am a highly empathic person but it will derail me if I don’t contain them, so I hide until I am in a safe place. I was abused, raped, molested and deserted very young and learnt that showing my feelings made me too vulnerable on the streets so I didn’t. I learnt when I showed my feelings to my family I just got hurt more, so I stopped doing it. The older I have gotten and the more I have learnt the more I have realized how little I know. I reject arrogance and prefer to remain humble in my heart. It does not always show. Sometimes I have hidden for long periods of time and have been judged and misunderstood for doing that, in fact have been accused of being non-feeling. Nothing could be further from the truth. My feelings bring me a lot of pain but I do not ignore them. I channel my pain into SPEAKING UP for others and listening to their pain, holding their hand and looking into their eyes – they know I have been there. For those who think I am unfeeling are just reflecting their own inability to connect to themselves. My challenge is to speak my pain; that is why I have taken to the internet.
“If truth is what you seek, then the examined life will only take you on a long ride to the limits of solitude and leave you by the side of the road with your truth and nothing else.” – Thomas Liggoti
“A philosopher is a lover of wisdom. It takes tremendous discipline, it takes tremendous courage to think for yourself, to examine yourself. The Socratic imperative of examining yourself requires courage. You know, William Butler Yeats used to say “it takes more courage to examine the dark corners of your own soul than it does for a soldier to fight on the battlefield.” Courage to think critically” – Cornel West
“I can tell you, an examined life is definitely no picnic, however, I don’t know how one gets through life without close inspection” – Louise Fowler
This is what I am doing and will put some focus on this issue over time as I come to understand how to do this. It is uncomfortable, Detoxing your mind and body is removing everything in your life that doesn’t serve you.. I have tried this before to quit because it was quite frankly hard. I don’t know that it should be after all if my house gets messy and dirty, I clean it. Actually I am clean and tidy so I work it as I go along. That is how I want the rest of my life to be. If you left your house and it got out of control it would take time and effort to put it all in order.
I have been working on acknowledging my past and putting that into clarity and perspective so I am not further bogged down with stuff I can no longer changer. Having said that I believe that you can’t make changes if you don’t know what you are changing.
Taking a look at the lessons you have learnt from your past is far more constructive i feel and it helps you build a future on something constructive. I have learnt forgiveness and gratitude. These are my building blocks to a revitalized me in the months and years to come.
Stay tuned………
What Is Sacred? Film
Source: What Is Sacred?
It was suggested to me yesterday, while having a very bad day, “to survive a personal confrontation with human evil is to live in a world in which evil is no longer hypothetical” by Robert Goldstein, a fellow blogger of great wisdom.
I have survived evil with many colours. I have been touched by the sad truth that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil. Shamelessly evil is invoked with the need for greed, the misuse of power, and the misguided belief that righting a perceived wrong requires actions that destroys lives.
A noble man/woman takes conscious, willful, and deliberate action to do what is in the greatest good of all concerned not to just blindly take from the pockets and lives of other to feed their need.
LOUISE FOWLER SPEAKS UP 
You must be logged in to post a comment.